Saturday, 5 June 2010

Barbecue blues

I've got an appointment next week.

I'm going to to see Prof. Thomas (PT) on Thursday to talk about a possible operation to remove whatever's left of Clive.

I spoke to Sarah (my oncologist) about the surgery last week and about the decision I will probably have to make:

PT will probably suggest that I can keep Clive, with regular tests to make sure he''s not growing again.

Or go for the surgery....

The surgery carries a lot of risks because it's close to my bowel, and there will be a lot of fibrosis caused by the Radiotherapy, which makes the operation difficult.

I could end up in intractable pain.

To save you Googleing it (should that have an 'e' in it?), that means constant, untreatable pain. The next step up the pain tree from Chronic.

I don't know if I can deal with that.

So, the decision suddenly becomes one of the most important of my life.

Do I subject the ones who love me (or some I just love) to me being driven slowly mad by pain, or do I just live with Cancer (Clive)?

I'm writing this after a successful Barbeque, seemed to be cooked perfectly, all at the right time and I'm sitting here in the garden writing this on my new Netbook.

Everyone's sitting inside watching 'Britain's got talent' and I'm in the garden, experimenting with Cocktails.

I'm definitely pissed.

I'm working in the morning, so I have a decision to make....

Which 'toy' should take me there?

Decisions, decisions, , decisions, decisions, AAARRRRRGHGGGHHHH!

and it looks like Clive lived up to his original mission: to make my life hell.
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